You might have taken over Steam today, MonHunners, but bare-bottomed blokes are just out of your reach.

Congratulations, Monster Hunter Wilds players. Your game’s the talk of the town right now, mainly because half the population of the world is playing it. There’s one thing you can’t have, though, no matter how hard you try. No, it’s not issue-free PC performance. It’s a day-one naked man mod for Wilds, that doesn’t work with day-one Wilds.

Yep, this exists, and hit the game’s Nexus Mods page promptly at 7:03AM UK time this morning, perfect for folks waking up and prepping to jump into a day of hunting monsters. You can’t do that though, because you’ll have to wait for an update.

“Beta test game only. Cannot use in main game for now”, reads the description of ‘Nude Buff Male For Monster Hunter Wilds’, a mod that lets you play at as a naked muscle man. It’s the work of a modder going by >rx_cn, and has been uploaded by another modder called RoxCian on their behalf.

They describe their creation – which if you haven’t realised already, currently only works with a beta that it very much looks like you can no longer access, possibly unless you’ve left it sitting on your hard drive – as something that lets you “make your hunter performance-enhanced” by replacing some gear in the game. It does this with help from another mod called ‘Ultimate Realistic Penis Rig’, which is a string of words I may now never be able to scrub from my mind.

“Thanks to the *hard* work of Capcom, it’s more easier (and somehow more harder) to create such a mod than any other Monster Hunter titles,” >rx_cn writes. They add that their work has a few other hangups at the moment. For example: “due to the limitation of six weights per vertex, jiggle physics of thighs are currently not included” and , as if that wasn’t enough, “only body texture can be used to fix penis model”. “May have some anatomy issues”, they add.

I dunno about you, but there are tears in my eyes.