The 97th Academy Awards, held on March 2, 2025, at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, promised glamour and prestige—but it was Conan O’Brien’s razor-sharp opening monologue that turned the night into an instant classic. Stepping onto the Oscars stage for the first time as host, the late-night legend unleashed a barrage of wit, roasting Hollywood elites with a grin and a gleam in his eye. From jabs at the stars to sly nods at the industry, here are 15 standout moments from Conan’s opener that had the audience howling—and we’re begging you to spill your favorite in the comments on our Facebook page!
1. The Self-Deprecating Start
“I haven’t been this nervous since I hosted my last podcast in front of three uninterested dogs,” Conan kicked off, setting the tone with his signature humility.
2. Sandler’s Wardrobe Roast
“Adam Sandler’s here in a hoodie and gym shorts—did you think this was the Zoom Oscars?” he quipped, zeroing in on Sandler’s casual vibe.
3. A Dig at Streaming
“Half the movies tonight are from Netflix—congrats to everyone who watched these on their phone while scrolling TikTok,” Conan smirked, nailing the modern moviegoer.
4. Timothée Chalamet’s Hair
“Timothée Chalamet’s hair deserves its own agent—it’s stealing scenes and it’s not even nominated,” he said, as Chalamet laughed in the front row.
5. The Runtime Jab
“Some of these films are so long I brought a sleeping bag—looking at you, Oppenheimer sequel,” Conan grinned, poking at bloated runtimes.
6. Hollywood’s Age Obsession
“De-aging CGI is getting so good, next year they’re nominating Tom Hanks’ kindergarten photo,” he deadpanned, earning gasps and giggles.
7. The Barbie Snub
“Greta Gerwig didn’t get a directing nod, but don’t worry—she’s busy directing the traffic outside,” Conan teased, nodding to last year’s controversy.
8. A Political Zinger
“I won’t get political, but I will say the Oscars statues look like they’re ready to storm the Capitol,” he said, risking a bold laugh.
9. Ariana Grande’s Reaction
Cut to Ariana Grande cackling as Conan mimicked her Wicked high notes—“I’m not saying she autotunes, but my Roomba sounds like that now.”
10. The Budget Jab
“These sets cost more than my entire career—congrats to the crew who spent $20 million on a fake horse,” he quipped, eyeing the stage.
11. Real-Time Roast of the Stars
“Ryan Gosling’s so perfect I’m pretty sure he’s CGI—and I’d still lose a fight to him,” Conan said, as Gosling smirked in the crowd.
12. The Oscars Curse
“Hosting this means I’ll never win an Oscar—good thing I’ve got my Nobel Prize in sarcasm,” he shrugged, leaning into his outsider charm.
13. Cynthia Erivo’s Green Glow
“Cynthia Erivo’s dress is so bright I thought Elphaba crash-landed from Oz,” Conan cracked, as Erivo waved gleefully.
14. A Nod to the Past
“Last time I was this close to an Oscar, I was polishing it for Letterman,” he reminisced, blending nostalgia with bite.
15. The Big Finish
“This room is full of talent, beauty, and people who clapped for me out of pity—thank you, and let’s get to the awards!” Conan closed, bowing to roars.
Why Conan Owned the Night
Conan O’Brien didn’t just host the 97th Oscars—he turned it into a masterclass in comedy, blending razor-sharp realism with absurd charm. His monologue wasn’t scripted perfection—it was raw, messy, and oh-so-human, just like the best Oscar-worthy performances. Which line had you spitting out your drink? Hit up our Facebook page and drop it in the comments—we’re ready to relive the laughs with you!
