Let’s get one thing straight: the internet’s meltdown over Intergalactic: The Heretic Prophet is the dumbest hill gamers have died on since someone said The Last of Us Part II was “too woke.” Naughty Dog dropped their sci-fi bombshell at The Game Awards 2024, unveiling Jordan A. Mun—a bald, Black, badass bounty hunter played by Tati Gabrielle—and the haters lost their minds faster than you can say “dislike button.” X posts screamed “ugly!” “DEI trash!” and “where’s my sexy waifu?!” Meanwhile, Stellar Blade’s Eve struts around in a skin-tight bodysuit, and the same crowd drools like it’s high art. Newsflash, keyboard warriors: Jordan’s presentation wipes the floor with Eve’s pandering pin-up act, and the hate is just sad.

First, the facts: Intergalactic’s trailer racked up 34,000 dislikes on YouTube within days, with gripes ranging from “she’s bald and not hot” to “Adidas in space? Cringe!” Posts on X wailed that Jordan’s no Lara Croft, calling her “smug” and “uncharismatic.” Compare that to Stellar Blade, the 2024 PS5 hit from Shift Up, where Eve’s jiggle-physics and barely-there outfits earned it a 9/10 from IGN and a fanbase that’d fight you for her bathwater. Both games have female leads, but the double standard’s so blatant it’s laughable—Eve’s a fantasy doll for the gooners, while Jordan’s a fleshed-out fighter, and somehow that’s the crime?

Fans of Intergalactic aren’t having it. “If you can’t see how beautiful Jordan is, it’s your loss,” one X user snapped, echoing a Reddit thread where players praised her Akira-inspired grit over Eve’s “generic anime babe” vibe. Tati Gabrielle herself clapped back, posting fan art of Jordan sipping “Fragile Masculini-Tea” with Ciri from The Witcher, captioned “Let’s FXCKIN GOOOOO.” The vibe? Unapologetic. Jordan’s a bounty hunter stranded on Sempiria, wielding a crimson audio-blade that screams ‘80s cool—she’s not here to pose, she’s here to kill. Eve? She’s a fine action hero, sure, but her design’s a blatant thirst trap, built to sell figurines more than tell a story.

The haters’ beef reeks of hypocrisy. Stellar Blade dodged the “woke” label despite Eve being a minority (Asian), because her curves fit the “hot girl” mold Western dudes drool over. Jordan, bald and bold, doesn’t—and suddenly it’s “DEI propaganda.” X posts like “Stellar Blade respects beauty, Intergalactic hates men” (yes, really) expose the real issue: some gamers can’t handle a woman who doesn’t cater to their gaze. Reddit’s r/MauLer raged, “She’s not attractive, so it’s trash,” while r/SocialistGaming countered, “She’s normal, not a supermodel—deal with it.” Meanwhile, Intergalactic’s trailer oozes style—neon ships, Trent Reznor’s score—and promises a meaty narrative over Stellar Blade’s “hack, slash, stare” loop.

Let’s talk stakes: Eve’s a soldier in a post-apocalypse, fine but forgettable. Jordan’s a lone wolf facing a planet that’s swallowed every soul for 600 years—her swagger’s earned, not scripted for cheap claps. “Smug?” Maybe if you think confidence is a sin. GameRant hints at melee combat that could outshine Elden Ring, while Stellar Blade’s depth stops at Eve’s cleavage. X fans of Jordan fire back: “She’s a badass, not your Barbie—grow up!” The “not hot enough” crowd’s clutching pearls like it’s 1999, forgetting Aloy, Ellie, and Jill thrived without bikini armor.

Here’s the kicker: Intergalactic’s hate is a tantrum from a vocal minority who’d rather jack off to polygons than play a real game. Stellar Blade’s fine—sold 2 million copies, good for Shift Up—but its Eve is a relic of gamer bro wishlists, while Jordan’s a leap forward. “If you need tits to enjoy a game, that’s on you,” one X warrior sniped. Naughty Dog’s track record (Uncharted, TLOU) says they don’t miss—Intergalactic could be a GOTY contender, haters be damned. So, cry into your Stellar Blade body pillow, gooners—Jordan’s here to slay, and she’s already won.