Quite rightly, the entire population of Britain has been rolling its collective eyes at the fact that Harry and Meghan’s official Christmas card doesn’t say “Happy Christmas”. Instead, it says: “Happy Holiday Season”. For pity’s sake. A prince, an actual English prince, referring to Christmas as “the holidays”.

The use of such a phrase isn’t just toe-curling, however. In my view, it also provides a revealing insight into the Sussexes’ marriage.

Let’s face it: there are only two conceivable reasons why Harry would have allowed “Happy Holiday Season” to appear under his name. The first is that, after five years in Montecito, His Royal Highness has clean forgotten how to speak his father’s English, and now communicates exclusively in Californian. This is certainly plausible, given that, during recent public appearances, he’s been heard saying things like “you guys”, “awesome” and even “dude”.

I fear, however, that the more likely explanation is the second. Which is that Harry lives in such abject terror of his wife that he didn’t dare question, let alone overrule, her unambiguously American choice of festive message.

All right, so in most households the wife does tend to take charge of writing the Christmas cards (or rather, the husband leaves it to her). But when both husband and wife are so famous that their Christmas card design gets released to every media outlet on the planet, the husband has to take a bit more responsibility. In this case, therefore, Harry should surely have spoken up.

“Megs, darling, it’s an awesome design. Love all the photos of us tending hospital patients and hugging other people’s children. There’s just one tiny, tiny thing. We can’t possibly put ‘Happy Holiday Season’.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’m British. And British people don’t say ‘holiday season’. We say ‘Christmas’.”

“But we’re in America. And in America, we say ‘holiday season’.”

“Oh, but please, Megs. I’m sure Americans sometimes use the word ‘Christmas’ too. Bing Crosby didn’t sing, ‘I’m dreaming of a white holiday season’, did he? Anyway, if we put ‘holiday season’, people will laugh at me. I mean, I’m a member of the Royal family.”

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“Are you?”

“Gosh, that’s a point. I’m not really sure now. Better call Pa and check.”

Auberon Waugh, trans pioneer

A 64-year-old Iraq-born trans woman, we reported this week, is suing the NHS after it refused to carry out her third “gender reassignment” operation. Apparently the plaintiff goes by two names: Samantha Kane and Lady Carbisdale. To be clear, “Lady Carbisdale” isn’t some ancient aristocratic title she was born to inherit – it’s just how she chooses to style herself. But perhaps it’s best not to point this out. Saying “But you’re not a real Lady” could get you in serious trouble.

At any rate, it’s a fascinating story – mainly because, as our reporter noted, Lady Carbisdale is believed to be “the only person in Britain to have changed gender three times”. If true, this shatters the record held by a previous author of this very column. Fifty years ago, when gender ideology was still very much in its infancy, Auberon Waugh revealed to his readers that he was “the only human being in the world who has changed sex and then changed back again”.

He explained: “My reason for changing sex in the first place was a general feeling that at 34 it was time for a change. My reason for changing back was the ghastly boredom of women’s conversation after dinner.”

Perhaps this is why Lady Carbisdale also changed back to being a man. As she’s subsequently chosen to become a woman again, however, she must have found men’s after-dinner conversation to be even more boring.

Come to think of it, her ladyship is a barrister. I wonder whether she ever had dinner with Sir Keir Starmer.

The most annoying political cliché of the year

Are you a politician? Anxious to show voters that you aren’t just another dreary, out-of-touch stuffed shirt? Keen to sound fearless, bold and cutting-edge, like some hot new tech trailblazer from Silicon Valley?

Simple. Just describe whatever you’re doing, no matter how dull and unglamorous, as “like a start-up”.

That’s what just about every other politician does these days. Last week, Kemi Badenoch declared that her Tory leadership team is “like a start-up”. The week before that, Pat McFadden, the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, claimed that he would make Whitehall think “like a start-up”. In September, Tony Blair claimed that his vast Tony Blair Institute was “like a start-up”. And in May, Dominic Cummings even revealed that he was planning to launch “The Start-Up Party”.

Plenty of lesser-known figures are at it, too. During the general election, the SDP’s candidate for Coventry South proclaimed: “I want Coventry to bootstrap its way to success like a start-up.” Sadly, it seems his would-be constituents didn’t share his exciting vision. He received just 334 votes.

To be fair, it’s not only politicians who keep parroting this cliché. I’ve heard countless other people using it, from football coaches to museum directors. Just you wait. It’ll be on Thought for the Day next.

“God created the world in six days. So, in a very real sense, it was rather like a start-up…”